The Next Worst Thing

The fact is that if Kamala Harris was not vice president, she would never be next in line to be the Democratic nominee.

Short of Joe Biden staying in the race while exemplifying the energy and lucidity of an empty bag of Lay's Sour Cream and Onion potato chips on the floor of a basement frat party, "passing the torch" to Kamala Harris is the best thing Republicans could have wished for — and simply "the next worst thing" for Democrats who, in their hail mary hour, reached into their quiver and pulled out the political equivalent of a Fran Drescher laugh track on repeat.

The entire party all of a sudden throwing their endorsement behind a woman who polled worse than a quart of cottage cheese that was left to sit in the sun for six months during the 2020 primary exemplifies the point I made a month or two ago when I argued that politicians have a talent for making the worst possible decisions.

Not only did Tulsi Gabbard publicly humiliate Kamala Harris on the debate stage during the 2020 primaries, but both polling and the results of Harris’ campaign forced us to one conclusion: most Americans find Harris detestable. And, in 2024, there doesn’t seem to be any indication that this attitude has changed.

Democrats’ disingenuous logic continues to whack them in the face when they least expect it like Chevy Chase in the attic, stepping on two-by-fours in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

I can’t describe the pleasure I get from watching the stupid decisions the Democratic party makes—namely, selecting Kamala Harris based on her gender and race to be Vice President of the f*cking United States —come back to bite them in the ass.

The fact is that if Harris was not vice president, she would never be next in line to be the Democratic nominee. She was picked to be vice president only because Joe Biden made his selection based on race and gender hustling, completely ignoring the fact that nobody seemed to like Harris and she doesn’t appear to have the brain torque necessary for the job.

By circumventing an actual legitimate selection process for Vice President, which should always boil down to a meritocracy as one of the most important positions in the world, Democrats planted a political seed in a pile of horse manure that has now blossomed into poisonous, cackling political fungus. And by moving Kamala Harris into position to be the next Presidential nominee, the party is officially taking the first bite of the fungi they began growing on the dung heap four years ago.

Beyond identity politics coming back to bite Democrats, the Harris pick makes no obvious sense because she is easily tethered and tied to the horrific last four years President Biden had in office. We are voting to “continue to be burdened by what was”, to use the parlance of Kamala’s time.

Putting aside the fact that the Democratic Party shamelessly lied about Biden’s mental condition literally up until the day they forced him from the nomination, his presidency was littered with endless miscues and palpable lack of leadership. And those four years are always going to be the Biden-Harris administration, not just the Biden administration.

And so rather than pick somebody new, who doesn’t have a record of taking a blowtorch to civility and law and order in the country over the last four years, the Democrats are actively choosing to retain all of the worst f*ck ups from the last 4 years and try to put the lipstick of a new candidate on them.

However, nothing in the realm of the political world surprises me anymore. Frankly, it wouldn’t surprise me if Hillary Clinton made a run for the position at the upcoming convention — or if the party decided the Presidential candidate by a nationwide non-binary pan-sexual twerking contest, or a round robin “burn the flag” tournament.

But at least the next time they tell you they’re going to change the world, remind them that their candidate sat idly by in office for the last four years while the nation went to hell. And the next time they remind you that they’re the party of democracy, remind them that they all but forced the voters’ choice for their nominee to step down, all so they could make the brilliant strategic move of replacing him with “the next worst thing”.

The circus freak show of life continues, like the worst reality TV show we never even sat down to watch. Have a great week.

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